hell yes lets make some ravioli
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
