oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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