is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
