I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
