I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
