I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
