matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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