Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
