your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
