dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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