He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
