I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
this hospital has no fireball
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
