So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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