I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
