I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
