this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
