All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
