She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
