if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
