I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
