After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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