You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
