I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
