Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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