Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I will pee on everything he values.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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