I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
