You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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