Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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