one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
