I wish I only lived at night.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there was a trapeze. enough said
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
