You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
