You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That accounts for only three of the penises
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
