I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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