dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
