Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize