apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
