it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
