I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Mom said you looked used
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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