dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
