I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
