Your tits are I can't wait for
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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