I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
