btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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