I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
