she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
