i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
