Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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