This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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