we have pet lesbian snakes
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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