So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
