end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
