i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
