He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
