Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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