I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
