Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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