his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
