Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
