we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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