ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
