I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
