I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
