I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
