best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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