I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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