Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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