Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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