Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
