I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
