piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
