its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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