Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize