That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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