The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
