I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
