nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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