and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize