i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
did i just pee glitter
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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