So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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