The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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