if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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