halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
