I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
