Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
