woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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