It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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