I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
