he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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