2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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