i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize