You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
