Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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