At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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