Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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