the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
