So drunk its hurt
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
