I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
