I faked an abortion last night.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I stole a fireplace last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The struggles of a small town man whore
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
