I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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