you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
