the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
