Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
