and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
