We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize