Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
