if you like me you must not know who I am
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
