last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
