yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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