last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
